The Stillness Struggle
My shift at work ended early the other day, and since I live fairly close I decided to walk home (with my bowl of leftover vegetables) and pass that time in nature with God. I was excited for the opportunity to be alone with Him, enjoying His creation and drinking in the beauty of the first true day of spring. I wanted to pray, to recharge spiritually, to be still and know that He is God.
It was a lovely walk. I prayed aloud as I marched along, listing my Thankful Thursday thoughts, then prayed for loved ones in need as I breathed the clear evening air. But at some point during that walk it hit me that, sure, I was praying, but was I being still?
Sometimes I feel like I'm doing all the talking in my conversations with God, and truth be told, it's probably because I am. I think a part of me irrationally fears that if I stop praying for a second, I'm wasting God's time. That as long as I keep spouting words, I know He's with me, but the second I stop He disappears, no longer tethered by His obligation to listen to my prayer.
Which, of course, is ridiculous, and results in some pretty one-sided conversations.
I recognized on that walk that prayer is not the only way to connect with God (especially when I find myself rambling) and I remembered the examples of Christians I know who have learned to sit in stillness with Him. For the first time in a long time, I stopped moving, closed my eyes, and just listened to the sounds of His creation, breathed His gift of air, and asked God to move my spirit and teach me to be still. It was a reminder of that critical facet of faith I want to master in my life: the ability to sit quietly in God's presence, and be strengthened simply by time spent in closeness with Him.
Be still and know that I am God. ~Psalm 46:10