A Strong and Trustworthy Anchor
From the first day of the publishing process I’ve known feelings of doubt, but sometimes more than others it feels all too easy to slip into a valley of despair. When tasks are piling up, deadlines are approaching, and a foreign world of obligations rears its ugly head, I find myself questioning the very decision that started my writing adventure. Wondering if maybe this is not what I’m cut out for . . . if maybe I can’t do this after all.
The doubts take a thousand different forms and all of them leave me exhausted, overwhelmed by the seemingly insurmountable task of bringing Kyrian’s narrative into the world. I love my story. I love my characters. I love this narrative the Lord has given me. Sometimes, the most painful doubt of all is the fear that no one else will.
Of course, there are a thousand others: I don’t know how to market. I have no idea what I’m doing. What if no one buys it? How do I keep writing what no one is interested in reading? Can I do this for the rest of my life? Skies ablaze, can I do this now?
I know that God is with me, that He can help me through it, but doubts can be loud.
Fortunately, He is louder.
Hebrews 6:18b-19a says, “Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls”. When I found this passage just yesterday morning it felt like a breath of oxygen on the top of Mount Everest. A sure and trustworthy anchor. Confidence. Refuge. Hope.
Today, I read another passage that gave me new strength, and reminded me of why I made this choice in the first place: because I knew it was God’s will.
“Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will” ~Hebrews 10:35
I don’t need to worry about the uncontrollable details of The Heir of Ariad’s release. God gave me a story to write and I wrote it, believing in its power to turn hearts to Him and glorify the might of our Creator. It’s an incredible story and I’m so very thankful that He has chosen me to be its pen. I have nothing to doubt, and everything to hope in, because I’m exactly where I know He wants me to be.
Amazingly, and true to God’s divine creativity, the more I write my own thoughts the more I hear Kyrian’s voice. The Heir of Ariad is a story of redemption, of embarking on a journey into the unknown, of not knowing what we’re doing but doing it anyway if only because God asks it of us. Kyrian’s doubts parallel mine in so many ways: fearing that he is not enough, that his King has made a mistake, that he cannot fulfill the enormous commission for which he has been chosen. Together, he and I have a lot of learning to do.
But if he can follow in faith, by the moons, so can I.
“You do not know your value in this world, but I do, and I have crafted this purpose with only you in thought.” ~Aradin, King and Creator of Ariad